


you're ready to leave

by kunimi_blep



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 3/52, Alcohol, M/M, Post-Time Skip, Unrequited Love, hanamaki finds the one and where does that leave matsukawa yakno?, i really wanna say sorry mattsun but, just my ass obsessed with unrequited love, making myself sad is a hobby, song: I Wish It Was Me (Etham)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28892385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kunimi_blep/pseuds/kunimi_blep
Summary: hanamaki looks at matsukawa like he's someone he only needs when things go wrong, but he looks at konoha like he's his missing piece, and matsukawa wishes it were him.
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Konoha Akinori, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	you're ready to leave

**Author's Note:**

> dont @ me for borrowing the song lyrics for the summary but i really couldnt get that damned song out of my head for literal days and it was going to end me if i didnt write my long-standing love for unrequited love matsuhana into it. also i've wanted to write some sort of love at first sight konomakki since september and it just somehow ended up like this. well. it's a fever-dream

**_You can go home by yourself tonight, right?_ **

Matsukawa hasn't checked his phone for a while, but now that he has, there's a text staring back at him as he looks at the screen of his phone, and he squints uselessly under the dim bar lights to make sure he's reading the text correctly. He whips his head up and around to try to find Hanamaki, but he's nowhere in sight, and despite the noise coming from the music and from the other people who are still here for their little watch party only mild at best, his head is spinning a little bit, and it isn't at all because of the alcohol.

He looks down to reread the text, wondering where Hanamaki might be now, though knowing already just by the twist in his gut and the tension in his spine and the unease in his chest that have all accumulated slowly but surely over the entire night what the clear answer is.

Matsukawa wishes the Fukurodani grads hadn't come. Selfish, maybe, when it was Yahaba who'd invited them and it had been a good idea at the time, but the Seijoh guys are more than enough company for the night gatherings they have every now and then to support their ex captain, and have been more than enough company since high school and after graduation, and he didn't need more people to compete for Hanamaki's attention with-- not that it was any competition at all in the first place. Matsukawa's never been in the running from the start, no matter how it's been literal years since Hanamaki has seized a hold on his heart.

Hanamaki had taken one look at the man hanging off of Fukurodani's high school setter and was immediately _smitten_. And Hanamaki Takahiro _doesn't_ get smitten.

"Who..." Hanamaki had whispered to him, at a loss for words and too caught up, eyes following after the small group as they settled at a table on the other side of the bar. Matsukawa couldn't put a name to the face, only remembered him vaguely from other parties like this one, wondered why this is the first time Hanamaki's attention was so drawn in by him if they'd seen him anywhere else before.

Akaashi-san, he still remembered. Oikawa was a bit close to him because of some sort of setter connection, so he knew. Washio-san, too, he remembered. He was someone who didn't take Bokuto's shit when they had that training camp in high school. He must have been there with the rest of the team, too, surely, must have interacted with him or Hanamaki in at least some way at least once.

Matsukawa wondered why neither he nor Hanamaki had any recollection about this guy from all those years back, or even from the more recent blurry parties, but that didn't matter much now that Hanamaki was suddenly so damn interested in him, and that little fact just had something dropping in Matsukawa's stomach.

Konoha-- _san_ , they both learned, recalled, later was his name, when Hanamaki had looked at Matsukawa in slight, low-key panic and coolly begged him to get the two of them to the free space near where the Fukurodani guys had been sitting. He'd done this for Hanamaki several times in the past, of course, to unfortunately encourage his lust after a pretty guy or lady on those nights, but Hanamaki had never been this desperate after one glance, never been this quick to admit to Matsukawa that someone had caught his eye.

Ever the amazing wingman and the good friend he always had to be to and for Hanamaki, because that was, after all, all he meant to Hanamaki, all Hanamaki would ever allow him to mean to him, Matsukawa barely even hesitated before walking over and getting into easy conversation with Washio-san so that they had an excuse to join them at their table.

Hanamaki had eyes only for Konoha for the rest of the night after that. Matsukawa could tell he wasn't even interested in the livestream of Oikawa's match on the television at the corner of the bar or at the small tablets situated at their tables anymore, and Hanamaki was _always_ interested, if only to make sure he had some material to tease Oikawa with the next time they have a group video call, but not tonight.

Somewhere between the conversations Konoha and Hanamaki were sharing that he had to strain his ears discreetly to hear and the actual times Konoha had the decency to try to talk to him, too, out of courtesy, the two had gotten much closer than their seats technically should even allow, until their murmurs became too soft to listen in on and the hands that previously fiddled with snacks and held on to glasses of beer were resting somewhere under the table Matsukawa couldn't see anymore.

Occasionally Hanamaki would take his eyes off of Konoha, but for just barely long enough to actually try to see how Matsukawa was still doing, but being in Washio-san and Akaashi's company was okay and having others join them even more so. He wished that it had been enough distraction, and later on it was, but he could admit to himself that he'd been watching Hanamaki more closely than was necessary or actually justifiable, considering they're at the same fucking table, and considering Konoha must be a really fucking nice guy, and considering he had no right to be annoyed or jealous or however he was feeling when he couldn't even fucking man up and tell Hanamaki how he felt, had always felt, for him.

So Matsukawa hadn't paid any attention to the game they were all gathered to watch in the first place either.

When Konoha left the table for a smoke with Washio outside for a moment, Hanamaki couldn't keep his grin and whatever else it was on his face hidden, but his eyes were bright as he trailed after Konoha's form until he was out of the bar, and his tone even brighter as he talked about how they just _clicked_ or some shit, and Matsukawa had never seen him this positively shaken by someone who's _just_ a possible one night stand.

Matsukawa did try to convince himself it wasn't going to be that kind of thing, or that it was _only_ going to be that kind of thing, but Hanamaki had immediately put his hand on Konoha's thigh when they got back and resettled at their table, and Konoha had naturally leaned in, unnecessarily too close to whisper something into Hanamaki's ear, and he'd just known right then, any doubt and unsolicited hope for the stupidest thing vanishing as quick as the round of shots they'd ordered to celebrate Oikawa's win on screen did.

Deeper into the night when the match had long since finished and the lights had dimmed some more, and after a few more beers and shots downed in friendly company, Matsukawa had finally gotten distracted enough with a mishmash of stories from his own friends and Fukurodani alike, that he hadn't even realized Konoha and Hanamaki weren't at their table anymore. Komi, having noticed Matsukawa's confusion, laughed, tipsy and acting only about half-scandalized, about how he'd seen Hanamaki "shoving his tongue down Konoha's throat" near the restrooms or some other place or whatever, and that they probably shouldn't expect them to be coming back any time soon.

Matsukawa had downed at least two more shots after that, for no other reason except the need to chase the bitter taste in his mouth at imagining Hanamaki pressing Konoha against a wall away with something much more bitter and real. Not enough, never enough, there wasn't nearly any semblance of a haze in his mind to cover up the fact that he was still hopeful he'd at least see Hanamaki, so he could try to convince him to let himself be taken home like always to make sure he was safe, even though Matsukawa was the one still in here, gradually testing his high tolerance for alcohol.

Hanamaki would always tell him personally, would always find him before a night ended, whether he was going over to Matsukawa's place to sleep, or he was going to be letting someone else take him home or taking someone else home, for that matter. There was always that kind of unspoken agreement.

And this is why Matsukawa, wishing he'd really gone harder with his drinking so he weren't sober enough for the thoughts running through his head, is looking around to see whether Hanamaki's finally alone or not, to see if he was really going to leave him for Konoha or not, to see if they were even still here at all or not.

Matsukawa blinks at the text, realizing it's been a solid twenty-three minutes since it was sent, and he feels his blood turn into something like lead in his veins, all heavy and debilitating, because Hanamaki would never wait for a reply for that long before making a decision, and even then, he wouldn't _not_ go home with a fuck just because he's worried about Matsukawa safely getting home by himself.

The way neither Akaashi nor Washio is looking for Konoha is something to take note of, like maybe they're used to whatever kind of behavior Konoha exhibits when they have nights out like this, but Matsukawa's supposed to be used to this kind of thing, too, and yet he's freezing up at the fact that Hanamaki has left him alone for the night, and thinking about how unfair it is that Konoha hadn't lit up even half as much as Hanamaki had when he first even laid eyes on him.

It shouldn't be a big deal, but the heat prickling at the back of his neck and the slight trembling of his fingers as he tries and fails again and again to type a reply are enough indication for him that it is, in fact, a big deal, and not only because Hanamaki's never left him alone without saying at least a drunk goodbye even if he already had his arm thrown over someone else's shoulder. He wishes it were because of something as trivial as that.

It's a stupidly, stupidly big deal, because Matsukawa had never seen Hanamaki's eyes light up like that, had never seen his fingers nervously run through his hair with someone he'd just met like that, had never seen someone respond to his advances so quickly like that, had never seen him so interested and drawn in and _taken_ like that, and it's heavy in his head and tight in his chest and no matter how long Matsukawa had tried to bury these feelings much deeper than six feet under, Matsukawa aches at the fact that he's the only one who's ever lost sleep missing Hanamaki so much that he could barely breathe, even during the nights when Hanamaki came home with him to just literally sleep together and agonize over their hangovers in the morning.

There's a throbbing pain somewhere in his body that he physically feels and struggles to take at that second, but there probably isn't anything much harder to take than the way he knows that Hanamaki has always loved him, just not in the way that Matsukawa has always wanted, and he wobbles when he finally pulls himself together enough to get up and leave.

He knows he's saying his farewells to the people around the table barely coherently, knows that he looks too distracted to have registered any of their questioning looks or the goodbyes back.

**_You can go home by yourself tonight, right?_**

The light of his phone, too bright it blinds him for a split second, is a mockery to his feelings when the cool air wraps around his body when he finally makes it outside. There isn't a Konoha smoking out here, nor is there a Hanamaki waiting for him so they could go home together. He closes his eyes, breathes in and sighs out in that one percent of relief that comes from the thought that _at least_ he didn't have to see Hanamaki whispering that he was ready to leave against Konoha's lips or some other heartbreaking made-up scene in his head.

When he opens his eyes, the street is empty, and quiet, and cold, but he thinks his insides might be just a bit colder.

**_Yeah_** is all he manages to type before the shudder of breath he manages to take in. He hits send before he could think to add anything else to the text, not only because he doesn't really know what else he should say, but also because he knows that nothing he says will change anything anyway.

Matsukawa doesn't ask whom he's going home with-- he already knows. Matsukawa doesn't ask if Konoha is any different from Hanamaki's other nightly adventures-- he already knows.

Matsukawa doesn't ask why Hanamaki is so okay with him going home on his own instead of with him-- he already knows.

**_I might be in love_** is the text that wakes him from his fitful sleep with the soft beep of his phone, later, when the sun has barely even risen, and if Matsukawa's first thought is _I wish it were me_ before wondering if he's even gotten any sleep at all, Hanamaki will never have to find out.

**_Knew it lol_** and then, **_Tell me about him when you come over, loser._**

**Author's Note:**

> konoha isn't a bad person and neither is hanamaki haha just,, when the time comes to fall for someone it just comes i guess and it's tunnel vision from there lol issei i love you sm  
> (Konomakki fic after this [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29015802))  
> ANYWAY linking the song!!!!!!!!!!! please give it a listen i love it to bits
> 
>   
>  [📱](https://open.spotify.com/track/5pu1NHwlPjOZVx6tP6IyL0)   
> 


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